Hello dear one...

(Photos in no particular order)

Hello dear Joshua, 

It's been a while since I blogged because you and your sisters fill my days and life and it's joys and sorrows tend to keep us absorbed. This past 5 weeks has brought your mummy and daddy's 7th wedding anniversary, which also happens to be your birthday...your baby cousin Isaac Elliott's birth and the loss of his little spirit, your first appointments and the 7-8 hour drive down to Brisbane to meet with your surgeon and all the medical team preparing and helping you through the first years of life, me being blessed to celebrate Mother's day with 4 little ones, your sister's 4th birthday, your little cousin's funeral and your Mummy's 27th birthday, and another visit back to Brisbane...It has been an emotional ride. Too much to think about. Lot's of blessings and a lot of sadness for us & our extended family.    

It was so important for me to prepare your room. Daddy thought I was a bit obsessed I think...but in my mind, everything had to be perfect for you before you arrived...it was my way, one of my first ways, of telling you that I love you and that I was sorry for the things that I would like to do, but knew I wouldn't be able to because of your cleft palate. Of course, all that now is a bit irrelevant, because we are adjusting, being flexible and through that, life is even better than we imagined it would be. 

Instead of being able to breastfeed you, I can give you my expressed milk, something I am so proud that so far I have been able to do...and give you a bottle that you can feed from quite well (minus a few unsettled days). By feeding you with a bottle, I get to hold you closer to my face, and look into you deep blue eyes while we chat...a positive from something that I thought I'd struggle with more than I do.

Beautiful morning sunshine...a week before your birth...

A teddy bear from Babcha.

A beautifully embroidered facewasher made by your Aunty Lauren.

Cot sheets made by Mummy's dear friend Rachel and sleepy bear from Mema.

Cushions made by mummy.

Paper cut made by mummy. A last minute obsession.

You & Me...the last morning this close together...

 Your daddy and you. Our 7th wedding anniversary present. Best present ever. 

Two of your other mummies. 

 Snug as a bug in a rug. One week old.

Your velvety soft feet. 

Chilled out. 

Josh in his cousin Jaxie's clothes :)

Tender touches after getting your plate that day.

Your big sister Sophie

Your bigger sister Ava

Your biggest sister Isabelle

Secretly, Ava is just a little bit smitten

Your favourite thing to look at in your room, the bunting made by your Aunty Lauren.

Your gorgeous quilt, by dear friend Rach (she churned out the handmade gifts for you!!)

And your mobile from mummy's lovely friend Heather.

My little man.

I love the way you look at me and just know. I'm not sure what you know...but I'm pretty sure it's everything. 

I love the way your chin quivers. About anything. If you are excited. Cold. Hungry. Sad. Just cos. 

I love your fat cheeks. Enough said. 

I love your eyebrows. 

I love the way your hair goes so fuzzy after a bath.

I love that you are a boy. 

I love that during the day, feeding you is my quiet time. It's nice. (Except today when you were a wee bit cranky...then it wasn't so quiet!)

I love the way your hands grip mine when I feed you.

I love it when you smile. Because I know yours will be an extra genuine smile. And I'm into genuine people. 

And most of all I love your lips. Because they are you. And you are ours. 

I know we are blessed to have you, to be privileged to be your mum and dad. All the things that worried me before you were born are a thing of the past...I care less now about what people think because I've learnt that it doesn't matter (and I think being SO tired helps with me not noticing as much!). And I've learnt that the people who do care are keepers, and I will gravitate towards them for comfort and encouragement when I do need it. And I've learnt not to judge (as much...) because sometimes...things don't got to plan, especially as a parent, and thats a lesson I really needed to learn...and I have learnt and I'm learning more about love. Even after four little people and one big person (& a cat and all my relatives and friends) filling my heart to the brim, I know there is so much to learn about love. We are only just starting out on our journey together, but I'm so happy it's you I get to be on this journey with. And your daddy and your sisters. We love you. 

I love you. 

And to me, you will always be perfect. 

Love YOUR mum. X

• you can go here to read more about Cleft lips and palates if you are interested.
• Joshua has a plate in at the moment which gets reassessed in Brisbane every few weeks. It is already moulding and shifting his mouth and preparing it for surgery in the coming months. The lip surgery will be first, and the palate surgery will follow. He has to wear it 24/7 except when I clean it and he is getting used to it much more, although he doesn't love the new tape across his nose just yet.
• My sister in law lost her baby only a few short weeks ago, as I mentioned above. Her story is here...I wanted to acknowledge her and her journey as it has affected her and her husband, and our family so greatly. We love you L& T and baby Isaac Elliott. X 

the journey so far...

(Some more to still add I hope. Sorry for all the candid shots! ;)

I am really excited that in a few short weeks time our little baby boy will be welcomed into our family. This pregnancy has gone so quickly...

To me, it really isn’t long enough for all my little plans, dreams and preparations...like finishing the little projects for him. He is extremely active and once again, like with the twins, my tummy looks like a weird triangle as I usually have an elbow or knee poking out most of the time. I am cherishing these last few weeks of movement and carrying a baby, as this will be our last little child born into our family. But I also have moments of feeling anxious. How will I cope with three little people under 4, plus a newborn baby to take care of? How do you take care of newborns again?! How do you take care of a boy? Will my little girls love my baby and want to be close to him? Will I be juggling holding 4 children all the time (Already have to juggle three so i guess the answer is yes...)? How come I wasn’t born with more arms? 

Our little man will also have some complications with feeding and other challenges as we were told at our 20 week scan that he will be born with a bilateral cleft lip.  We are not certain of all the details, like if his palete is affected too, and there are other things that are sometimes common with cleft affected babies, like hearing difficulties, dental and speech issues later on in life (IF his palete is affected...) And I feel so sad that my Ava and our little boy will pass on these genes to their children and they will have to go through these things too. These moments come in waves, as I know that I am blessed to very soon become a mummy again, but I don’t think you ever stop worrying about your children, or wanting to protect them...it’s in a mother’s nature, even when everything is going perfectly. Even though it’s easy to say to someone, it will all be ok (cos I believe it really will- “all be ok” in the end), I have noticed at night in my dreams, my worries all come loose and I suddenly realise how effected I am by it all. 

Then the other day I watched this video (link down below)...and my heart melted...because love is beautiful, and people in the world show each other everyday. And when I hold my new baby in my arms, watch him relate with his sisters and they with him; snuggle him close to my skin to calm him and do my best as his mummy, my mothering instinct of defending and protecting him will kick in (every day for the following days, weeks, months and years). After all it’s my job. I’ve learnt that before. And I have lots of mummies and women around me in my life who have been and continue to be a great example raising and protecting their own little ones (or now big ones). 

And I am thankful that this past week I have been reading my Bible more...and having the thought re-enforced in my heart that I am never alone. No matter how confused or worried I feel, or how often I feel guilty about the choices I make as a mum, God is there, encouraging me to be my best and share with my children the most important things I can offer, faith, hope and love. 

Take a look at this link...I think it’s precious. 

Watch the link in this blog post

(from: Enjoying the Small Things)

The Laundry

One day...

making something simple, extra pretty!

Something I have really wanted for a long time is my own little space. Somewhere to sew or read, or blog or draw or paint a little something or be crafty or arty (and leave it there while I go about my day)...so when we moved I wanted to find somewhere in our new home where this could come true.

That place is in our guest room. 

And this old desk? Was in our shed. So I carried it upstairs and saw its potential! 

Now with its vintage contact paper bought from this beautiful etsy shop...something old has become something perfectly new (to me) and loved. I think it's beautiful!

The pretty wall decal letters are from my beautiful friend, Rachel for my Christmas present last year from little nest. They finish the space perfectly (although I'm thinking i'll change the pale 'y' and 'a'...they are removable and re-usuable too so don't fret!) 

A DIY wrapping kit

this past month has been a birthday season for us in our home. two of the gifts that we gave were little wrapping kits for two special people who love stationery nearly as much as me. i got the idea from pinterest (of course) from this lovely diy website Creature Comforts. It was just a matter of collating some pretty embellishments, making a few envelopes, printing off some free printables, organising the gift tags and BUYING fun stationary! my favourite part! and then the rest is up to them to wrap their gifts or decorating something special with these things.

the free printables i used were:
1. Birthday Calendar from The Pretty Blog
(and another option from the blog here)
2. Cute gift tags from The Pretty Blog
3. Sweet little Bird labels from World Label

These are also really cute which I found later:
-Vintage Photo Mountain Gift Tags from Fellowfellow
-Paint by numbers Valentines from My Paper Crane
-Bright gift tags from the Martha Stewart site
-And a whole heap of free DIY printables from Love VS Design! They are so cute! Check them out.

but there are so many to choose from when you just google search "free printables". get inspired & have fun wrapping presents!