Saturday, April 6, 2013

the journey so far...

(Some more to still add I hope. Sorry for all the candid shots! ;)

I am really excited that in a few short weeks time our little baby boy will be welcomed into our family. This pregnancy has gone so quickly...

To me, it really isn’t long enough for all my little plans, dreams and finishing the little projects for him. He is extremely active and once again, like with the twins, my tummy looks like a weird triangle as I usually have an elbow or knee poking out most of the time. I am cherishing these last few weeks of movement and carrying a baby, as this will be our last little child born into our family. But I also have moments of feeling anxious. How will I cope with three little people under 4, plus a newborn baby to take care of? How do you take care of newborns again?! How do you take care of a boy? Will my little girls love my baby and want to be close to him? Will I be juggling holding 4 children all the time (Already have to juggle three so i guess the answer is yes...)? How come I wasn’t born with more arms? 

Our little man will also have some complications with feeding and other challenges as we were told at our 20 week scan that he will be born with a bilateral cleft lip.  We are not certain of all the details, like if his palete is affected too, and there are other things that are sometimes common with cleft affected babies, like hearing difficulties, dental and speech issues later on in life (IF his palete is affected...) And I feel so sad that my Ava and our little boy will pass on these genes to their children and they will have to go through these things too. These moments come in waves, as I know that I am blessed to very soon become a mummy again, but I don’t think you ever stop worrying about your children, or wanting to protect’s in a mother’s nature, even when everything is going perfectly. Even though it’s easy to say to someone, it will all be ok (cos I believe it really will- “all be ok” in the end), I have noticed at night in my dreams, my worries all come loose and I suddenly realise how effected I am by it all. 

Then the other day I watched this video (link down below)...and my heart melted...because love is beautiful, and people in the world show each other everyday. And when I hold my new baby in my arms, watch him relate with his sisters and they with him; snuggle him close to my skin to calm him and do my best as his mummy, my mothering instinct of defending and protecting him will kick in (every day for the following days, weeks, months and years). After all it’s my job. I’ve learnt that before. And I have lots of mummies and women around me in my life who have been and continue to be a great example raising and protecting their own little ones (or now big ones). 

And I am thankful that this past week I have been reading my Bible more...and having the thought re-enforced in my heart that I am never alone. No matter how confused or worried I feel, or how often I feel guilty about the choices I make as a mum, God is there, encouraging me to be my best and share with my children the most important things I can offer, faith, hope and love. 

Take a look at this link...I think it’s precious. 

(from: Enjoying the Small Things)

1 comment:

  1. thanks for being one of those great examples in my life. xx also, that video makes me want at least 6 kids so i can see them together. Your girls are going to be darling big sisters. and you are already a wonderful example of mothering God's way. xx