Hello dear one...

(Photos in no particular order)

Hello dear Joshua, 

It's been a while since I blogged because you and your sisters fill my days and life and it's joys and sorrows tend to keep us absorbed. This past 5 weeks has brought your mummy and daddy's 7th wedding anniversary, which also happens to be your birthday...your baby cousin Isaac Elliott's birth and the loss of his little spirit, your first appointments and the 7-8 hour drive down to Brisbane to meet with your surgeon and all the medical team preparing and helping you through the first years of life, me being blessed to celebrate Mother's day with 4 little ones, your sister's 4th birthday, your little cousin's funeral and your Mummy's 27th birthday, and another visit back to Brisbane...It has been an emotional ride. Too much to think about. Lot's of blessings and a lot of sadness for us & our extended family.    

It was so important for me to prepare your room. Daddy thought I was a bit obsessed I think...but in my mind, everything had to be perfect for you before you arrived...it was my way, one of my first ways, of telling you that I love you and that I was sorry for the things that I would like to do, but knew I wouldn't be able to because of your cleft palate. Of course, all that now is a bit irrelevant, because we are adjusting, being flexible and through that, life is even better than we imagined it would be. 

Instead of being able to breastfeed you, I can give you my expressed milk, something I am so proud that so far I have been able to do...and give you a bottle that you can feed from quite well (minus a few unsettled days). By feeding you with a bottle, I get to hold you closer to my face, and look into you deep blue eyes while we chat...a positive from something that I thought I'd struggle with more than I do.

Beautiful morning sunshine...a week before your birth...

A teddy bear from Babcha.

A beautifully embroidered facewasher made by your Aunty Lauren.

Cot sheets made by Mummy's dear friend Rachel and sleepy bear from Mema.

Cushions made by mummy.

Paper cut made by mummy. A last minute obsession.

You & Me...the last morning this close together...

 Your daddy and you. Our 7th wedding anniversary present. Best present ever. 

Two of your other mummies. 

 Snug as a bug in a rug. One week old.

Your velvety soft feet. 

Chilled out. 

Josh in his cousin Jaxie's clothes :)

Tender touches after getting your plate that day.

Your big sister Sophie

Your bigger sister Ava

Your biggest sister Isabelle

Secretly, Ava is just a little bit smitten

Your favourite thing to look at in your room, the bunting made by your Aunty Lauren.

Your gorgeous quilt, by dear friend Rach (she churned out the handmade gifts for you!!)

And your mobile from mummy's lovely friend Heather.

My little man.

I love the way you look at me and just know. I'm not sure what you know...but I'm pretty sure it's everything. 

I love the way your chin quivers. About anything. If you are excited. Cold. Hungry. Sad. Just cos. 

I love your fat cheeks. Enough said. 

I love your eyebrows. 

I love the way your hair goes so fuzzy after a bath.

I love that you are a boy. 

I love that during the day, feeding you is my quiet time. It's nice. (Except today when you were a wee bit cranky...then it wasn't so quiet!)

I love the way your hands grip mine when I feed you.

I love it when you smile. Because I know yours will be an extra genuine smile. And I'm into genuine people. 

And most of all I love your lips. Because they are you. And you are ours. 

I know we are blessed to have you, to be privileged to be your mum and dad. All the things that worried me before you were born are a thing of the past...I care less now about what people think because I've learnt that it doesn't matter (and I think being SO tired helps with me not noticing as much!). And I've learnt that the people who do care are keepers, and I will gravitate towards them for comfort and encouragement when I do need it. And I've learnt not to judge (as much...) because sometimes...things don't got to plan, especially as a parent, and thats a lesson I really needed to learn...and I have learnt and I'm learning more about love. Even after four little people and one big person (& a cat and all my relatives and friends) filling my heart to the brim, I know there is so much to learn about love. We are only just starting out on our journey together, but I'm so happy it's you I get to be on this journey with. And your daddy and your sisters. We love you. 

I love you. 

And to me, you will always be perfect. 

Love YOUR mum. X

• you can go here to read more about Cleft lips and palates if you are interested.
• Joshua has a plate in at the moment which gets reassessed in Brisbane every few weeks. It is already moulding and shifting his mouth and preparing it for surgery in the coming months. The lip surgery will be first, and the palate surgery will follow. He has to wear it 24/7 except when I clean it and he is getting used to it much more, although he doesn't love the new tape across his nose just yet.
• My sister in law lost her baby only a few short weeks ago, as I mentioned above. Her story is here...I wanted to acknowledge her and her journey as it has affected her and her husband, and our family so greatly. We love you L& T and baby Isaac Elliott. X